Okay so...I think I need to relax! I am going in too many different directions right now! I want to teach, go back to school, write a book, work from home doing Internet marketing. I WANT TO GET OFF THIS MERRY GO ROUND! I am stressing my self out.

I guess I just feel like I am running out of time. It's like someone hit the reset button on my ambition! For so long all I have been able to do is lay around and solve sudoku puzzles and watch TV. Now that I have been blessed with a renewed sense of health, I feel like I have a whole lot of catching up to do!

I saw a show on CNN last night about people who are about my age, similar education, and they are living these extraordinary lives. I want that to be me. I want to live, inspire, laugh, give, think, speak, even argue. Now I just need to know where to start. I know I write about this at least once a week but it really is beginning to consume me....what is it? I feel like a stick of dynamite waiting around for someone to light my wick! I DON'T WANT TO WAIT ANYMORE...I guess I have to figure out how to light it myself. Any suggestions?

Time to get it started....

Well, I made a decision...I am going to write a book! But first I am going to start exploring some topics, because there are about 20 ideas running around in my head. With the help of Jack Heffron and his Writer's Idea Book I am going to try to sort some of my ideas out, while practicing writing pros. I may use this blog for some of the prompt responses, as I can access it from anywhere, even my phone.

I am a little anxious about it, but someone told me once "Just start writing, and keep writing." I have written so many short stories and essays, and now that I think about it, I may stick to the short story genre. I don't even know. See this is where I start to make myself anxious. So many decisions!

But you know what, I just need to go for it! I have so many stories to tell! And I think this is my destiny not to mention my legacy...yah, I feel pretty good about it!

So, according to the first prompt I am supposed to pick a time of day and a duration to sit down to write. I can sit at my computer and do nothing, but I do anything but write! So I am choosing to sit down at 7:00pm and I will write for at least 1 hour. First promt, check!

I needs some room!

As I mentioned a few posts back...I am sooooo ready to move on! Currently I work as a Corporate Trainer and Instructional Designer for a Health and Life Insurance Company. And I'm over it! I do feel blessed to have a job right now, but there are times that I feel stifled.

I feel like I need some room to breath. To stretch my creative wings and fly! I feel that my current career choice isn't really much of a contribution to anything. Truth be told, I feel as though I am just collecting a check. A friend of mine and I were talking and she said it best, "there has to be a better way."

But I stay. The economy scares me. Rationally I realize that now is probably not a good time to step on that ledge. But the "Yunus" in me says, if not now then when. I can't say that I am miserable, but there is definitely a grind. I want to do something that makes me happy and contributes to a better life, day, moment for others. The more I pray about it, the more I realize that I have to do something more. I want to write a novel. I want to teach. I want to speak and inspire. I don't know what God has in mind for me, but I feel that something is coming.

So I will keep my options open, stay in prayer, and wait for what is yet to come.

Rest in Peace Michael

So What's Next?

So, today wasn't the best day. Despite the fact that I am supposed to be recovered I did spend most of the day in "discomfort" (as the doctor's like to say, that would be pain to you and me). But during my lay-in today, I have had lots of time to think. The question that keeps popping up is "So what's next?"

Now that motherhood is off the table, I have to rethink my future. I think I may like to go back to school. Or maybe start a business. All I know is whatever it is that I am going to do, I have to get started. I can't keep going on this way. Inaction. I have been living with inaction out of necessity for the last year. Every ounce of energy saved was necessary in my struggle to function as an ill person. But I have to reclaim my life! I want to start living again...like a normal person. No one knows the quiet struggle that I have gone through...That's beside the point. I have had to put a lot of things down, and now it is time to go back and find them again.

I am not sure, though, if at 41 it is too late. Should I just settle for where I am at right now, and just enjoy? Or, should I continue to work and struggle toward something more? If the answer is yes to the later, the next question is "toward what?" Education, instructional Design, Web Design, Small Business. I am not sure what direction to start moving in.

I guess the first thing I need to do is clear my mind. So, a good spring cleaning is in order! Because God love my husband, but we all know that husbands don't clean so well, especially during football and basketball season. (oh, and that would be most of the year, :P) So I am going to start by cleaning my house. No, really. A good house cleaning usually makes my mind nice and clear and gives me the space to think. Step-by-step, room-by-room, day-by-day.

Wish me Luck!

The Black Bird

To get out of the heat this afternoon, I found myself at my local movie theatre watching the newly released "Public Enemies". More interesting than the story of Dillinger's rise and fall from bank robber/rock star status was the portrayal of the love affair between he and Billie Frechette. Of course this portrayal was enhance by the beauty of the 2 actors who played Frechette and Dillenger, Johnny Depp and Marion Cotillard.

I found myself so fascinated by the character of Billie that I immediately came home and started doing some research. I think what fascinated me about the character in the film was that there was extra care taken to make it know that she was of mixed blood. A person of color. Evelyn "Billie" Frechette was the product of a French father an a Native American mother who was a member of the Menominee Tribe. In the film they make this apparent by not only telling the story of her childhood and back round, but also by giving her a Native American Accent and in several scenes she is wearing turquoise and Native American jewelry.

Of course the film completely romanticized Frechette and Dillenger's relationship. However, everything that I found in my research does say that she was the love of Dillinger's life. She was much more involved in his life of crime than the film leads you to believe and I also found it interesting that she was actually an educated woman. She spent 1936 to 1941 on a speaking tour of the US, sharing her stories about her life with Dillenger.

I think the most fascinating fact that I found out about Frechette was that after Dillenger's death and her release from prison, she returned to the Menominee Reservation of her childhood, to live out the rest of her life.

Rest in Peace, Michael

I was born in 1968, so I guess you could say that Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5 provided me with the sound track to my childhood all the way through high school.

I would be remiss in letting the opportunity pass to say farewell to the greatest entertainer who ever lived. It has been a week since his death, and I can hardly believe that he is gone. When I first heard the news being reported from TMZ, I was very irritated. I remember feeling very disappointed that they had been so irresponsible for reporting such a terrible joke as truth. When I realized that it was true, I went numb. I remember feeling the same way when Lady Diana passed away. I really felt that this piece of truth was so far from my reality that it still didn't seem true. I can't say that I was sad, because although I guess I considered myself a fan at one time, but I knew that the world had just experienced a great loss.

While riding in the car, ever radio station (regardless of genre) was playing Michael's music. With in the first eight count of each song played, I smiled and began to dance and sing. I was enjoying my own private concert. Every song evoked a wonderful memory from my youth. I became a fan all over again. And that's when I felt the personal loss. What Michael left behind, over 40 years of music, is all there is. And while that is more than we deserved, it's all there is. Nothing more, nothing less.

I know that in recent years Michael has been surrounded by controversy, but that does not erase his contribution to music. I find it very sad that the media has chosen to present his death as entertainment rather than with dignity. But why should I be surprised, all of his issues, legal, financial, emotional and physical has always been treated with such a lack of respect. I am not saying that he deserved more because he was a superstar, but he deserved more because he was a human being. I refuse to seek entertainment in the story of his death! All of the drama, confusion, speculation and sensationalism really disappoints me. I wish they would just let him rest in piece.

We all want to claim Michael has our King of Pop. I guess I just wish that people would realize that he was some one's son, father, brother, uncle, and friend...and for those he left behind, we should have respect and allow him to rest in the peace that he could not find in life.

It seems that the choreography this season is superior to past seasons. The only choreographer that has not been feature as much as I would like is Wade Robson. However, perhaps as the talent is whittled down he will return to share one of his masterpieces!

Well this week I was a little disappointed with the judges elimination choices. But I think I may have been disappointed with whom ever was eliminated tonight. I think that now all of the dancers that are left are just so talented. Tonight I was surprised about the male elimination. I really thought that Phillip, the pop hip hopper would go. I think he is a great dancer, however he is the only one left in the competion that does not have formal dance training. I am just not sure that he will make it past next week.

So here it is. In case you missed it, here are the two dancers that were eliminated:

Vitolio Juene, 26, Miami

Karla Garcia, 23, Brooklyn